you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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