Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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