Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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