He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
