i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
