forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
