8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
