haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
