is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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