dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
