I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
