There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
