sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
