Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize