He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
