So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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