So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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