somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
