i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
