Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
