I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
