based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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