Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
