The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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