dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
