i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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