I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Send help, water and tortillas.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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