Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
