Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
