I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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