It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
