i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
