Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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