I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
