so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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