it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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