did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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