saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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