Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
