You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
