my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize