Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
