my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
