i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
