So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
