We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
