If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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