I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
