I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
