then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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