He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
