why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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