i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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