my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
