So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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