It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
