birth control should be required to get into college
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
