how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
