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i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
