I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
