you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize