let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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