in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
