This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
