So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
