I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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