Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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