Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize