Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
