I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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