I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
